Party Like It's 2008

Developing Mental Toughness In Life and startups

What a week this has been. Not only have most conferences, some schools and many non-essential meetings been canceled, even my parents are refusing to eat at Chinese restaurants - and they are Chinese 😳. This has also impacted our financial lives. The public markets have swung so much in the last week, I think I’m trading bitcoin. Sequoia sent out an equally alarming memo Coronavirus: Black Swan of 2020, except it was called RIP Good Times in 2008.  And panic, anxiety and fear continue to grow exponentially. 

For me these feelings are strangely familiar, and still just as anxious, disconcerting and uncomfortable. The 2008 Financial Crisis left an indelible mark and ultimately changed the trajectory of our company. Changes were and felt just as sudden. If any of you have read the about page of this newsletter,  you know the impetus for me writing about our experience. 

In 2008, we were awaiting a wire for our Series B financing. The term sheets were signed and all we were waiting for was the money to be wired.The day the money was supposed to arrive was the start of The Great Recession. With no investment money coming in, and $3million dollar ad revenue contracts disappearing overnight, we built Kabam, a billion dollar mobile gaming business.

For this post, I thought it would share what I wrote in my journal during those times along with advice on how to manage your mental and emotional well-being, and hopefully come out stronger as a result [a]:

Lesson #1: Do not abandon your mental and spiritual practices during times of uncertainty

I grew up with a spiritual practice of prayer, so for me naturally, my faith is something I continue to try and grow [a]. Regardless of what you believe, during times of craziness do not abandon your spiritual and mental practices. Practices such as meditation bring you to the present and help you focus on here, now and what is true. Because, times like these so much feels out of your control. Truth be told even in good times things are out of your control. The only things you  can control or manage are your actions and your thoughts. From your thoughts come action, so if you have clear thinking, you will make better decisions. 

My spiritual and mental practice was to journal my thoughts as my prayers. On October 8, 2008 my journal entry was the following. 

Woes

It feels like the world around us is crumbling. The financial crisis has just gotten worse, and there's many fears that it's only going to get worse.
There is a voice in the back of my head that says, 
“Who stills the roaring of the seas, The roaring of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples.” Psalm 65:7
God does.

Lesson #2: Face difficult emotions head on and embrace them

During this time, I was also facing some health issues and uncertainty which added to the stress of the unknown. I was a mess; however, not only did my spiritual practices and faith get me through it, facing difficult emotions head on without judgement can enable you to think more clearly. We tend to jump from emotions to judgement, and during that time emotions can be telling you something, so make sure you are applying the right response to the right thing. 

Emotions, you feel
Thoughts, you direct
Actions, you control

Two days later, on October 10, 2008 this was my post: 

What a week

I don't want to say this is the nadir, but I hope it is. Some say the worst is still yet to come.
Our company was waiting for our investors to wire the money to us on Monday. One day late. That's when the market decided to crash. I would have loved to try and weather this thing, but now it looks bleak. It looks like the deal will get re-negotiated or not even done at all. We were just too late. I know that no matter what happens God that you provide. However, I would ask that you calm the investors hearts have them find favor on us and wire the original money. But I will have to say I am bleak about that.
News is talking about something more than a recession but a depression. And that's scary. What if I get sick?  What if I can't pay for [medical] treatments? What if both of us lose our jobs? This is pretty bad. A wave of worry has gotten me thinking all the time about what should I do. Should I pull my money or leave it in? Where shall I put my money? Is it even safe online? 

What is subtle here is that I did not embrace my emotions head on and instead spiraled into worry. But one trick that I learned that can help is to replace “should” with “need” or “want”. “Should '' focuses too much on the future and places obligations and standards on you, and if you don’t do what you should do, an element of shame creeps in. Shame is different from guilt in that guilt is about an action (I took something that was not mine) that was done whereas shame is thinking something is fundamentally wrong (I am a failure). “Need” and “want” grounds you in the here and now and focuses the output on actions which you can control. [b]

LESSON #3 - Encourage yourself with the past

You have underlying beliefs that have formed your intuition, and in times of stress drive your response - as if you are on autopilot. Usually a trigger (markets drop) drives thoughts (I am losing money) , and the thoughts drive emotions (I am so scared), then your behavior (I sell at the lowest point of the market). [c]  Unless your job is in emergency response, in times of stress your autopilot response is rarely the best response. For many of us founders these exogenous events that cause stress send us to an unhealthy thought or action pattern that we need to jolt ourselves out of. The best way to do that is to have positive self talk that uses the past to encourage yourself. Remember you are the only voice that is available 24/7, just make sure it is building you up and giving you hope.

Five days later, on Oct 15, 2008 this was my post: 

Closing Doors

Yesterday our company got a firmly shut door in terms of financing. The economy is bleak and it doesn't look too good. People say the boom is over. I'm sitting here thinking when was the boom???
While the doors may close on the financing, I hope it doesn't close on our company. We've had a lot of ups and downs in our short existence; however, I still can remember when things looked bad but were not as bad and in fact better. I remember when the door firmly shut on getting a PR agent that was really good. I still think this led to us firmly shutting our [first product we built the company around{. Without that, we would have still been going down the wrong path. I must think back to that situation and see that you are the same God then as the same God now. You want good things for us. ... you want to open up the floodgates. I still believe that you are a good God. That perhaps it's a way of helping us focus on the right things.
In the end I will have to say that I still worry. I worry about what will happen in the next year. I worry about losing my job and [family] ... with all those concerns, I hope I'll have enough money for [everything]. However in my heart of hearts I do think it's your desire for us to [be fulfilled]. I do think it's your desire for work to be fulfilling.
Closing doors while remaining with an open heart may very well be the thing that saves me.

LESSON #4 - Embrace the unknown over fear

There are so many things we did not know about our future, including what direction to take. But, if we gave into the fear, we would have just given up. And, who would have known that there might have been a big piece of cheese waiting for us. Underneath the adage of “don’t give up” are beliefs, visions and practices that make up mental toughness. And one of them is embracing the unknown over fear. 

Two days later, on Oct 17, 2008 this is what I wrote. 

Fear of the Unknown

I was just reading the news this morning and it struck me again that Fear is something that can be so powerful and just take-hold and prevent us from rising to our full potential.
It's fear that keeps us from [changing…] Candidates' use of the poor economy makes Americans wonder who really will help them. In the end they would turn to what is known. It's better to know you are going down than to not know what's going to happen. So we stick to what we know and lose hope because everything around us is bleak.
So like blind rats we stick in a corner because we do not know that right around the bend there's a nice honking piece of cheese waiting for us.

If you embrace the unknown over fear then you never know what is around the corner. When the only constant is change embracing the unknown can enable you to see the opportunities, otherwise the only thing you see is fear.

Epilogue

I still have fears, doubts and uncertainty, but reflecting back on 2008 and my mental state , I am gripped by different news but similar uncertainty. Kabam was incredibly lucky to have a great outcome. It was so unclear at that time that we would even have a company - especially during 2008 when we were just trying to survive. The most important thing about building the company is developing a mental and emotional fortitude to actually do it.

“Hard times create strong (wo)men. Strong (wo)men create good times. Good times create weak (wo)men. And, weak (wo) men create hard times.”― G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain [d]

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Leave a comment below on what you have found helpful during this time. [e]

PSA: 😷“Washy washy, stay healthy!”😷

***NOTES***
[a] This is the first time I have shared these entries, and they are lightly edited for clarity. I am hesitant because it is so personal, but I believe it will be more helpful to share it. [b]The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Kristin Neff, PhD and Christopher Germer, PhD. Chapter 17. [c] Putting It All Together. Psychology Tools. [d] Quote edited for gender inclusion - Happy International Women’s Day! 🚺[e]If you are interested in exploring more about God and faith, check this out or drop me a line!